What Motherhood In Kenya Reveals About The Nature Of Family

“There you go,” Chelsea murmurs, laying her freshly bathed babe onto bluish terry cloth. She negotiates Ada’s arms into a ray pinkish onesie and buttons it astatine her legs, still bent tight arsenic a frog’s. Then she lifts Ada to cradle her soft caput successful nan curve of her neck, delighting successful nan infant’s drowsy embrace.

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“The first time I was still successful shock, for illustration amazed that I’m yet someone’s mother,” says Chelsea. “But since past it’s been okay, she sleeps mostly during nan day.” She only wishes nan aforesaid was existent astatine night. “She’s not excessively fussy though,” Chelsea says mildly and strokes nan infant’s wispy head. At conscionable a week old, Ada is already making her mother proud.

For Chelsea, nan determination to sanction her Ada aft her ain mother was easy. But choosing a past sanction has proven harder. Kenyan children tin person arsenic galore arsenic 4 names—to grant relatives, appease ancestral spirits, and affirm organization identity—and still disagreements originate wrong families arsenic relatives vie to person their statement represented. Ada though, has conscionable 1 name. No 1 successful her family suggests another; they person not moreover travel to meet her. Chelsea’s aunt, who took Chelsea’s younger relative successful aft their mother died, has not reached out. In a civilization wherever children besides telephone their aunts “mother” and position them almost arsenic parents, her absence is peculiarly disappointing.

“I conjecture they’re still not happy pinch nan thought of maine having a babe correct now,” Chelsea explains quietly. She suspects it’s because she had nan babe retired of wedlock but tries not to dwell connected it. “It’s conscionable going to accent maine retired for nary reason, truthful I want to attraction connected raising nan kid and building a profession and if they take to beryllium portion of it, that’s good and good, if not, pia iko sawa, it’s still okay.”

Perhaps much painfully, Joseph besides has not travel to spot his daughter, aliases suggested a sanction from his broadside of nan family, which he’ll request to do soon for it to beryllium listed connected nan commencement certificate. They do still speech videos though, truthful he knows nan friendly specifications of their life: One time Ada was thrusting her mini fists successful nan aerial pinch excitement, and nan next, practicing a furrowed brow. “Every time is thing new, truthful seeing these small changes is exciting, I for illustration it,” Chelsea says contentedly. And Joseph is helping them financially astatine least. Between that and Chelsea’s afloat salary, which she still receives during her three-month maternity leave, they stay financially secure.

Still, there’s nary guarantee that Joseph will proceed to help. Chelsea could petition for general kid support, but she says she mightiness not beryllium entitled to overmuch because they’re unmarried and, she adds pinch immoderate apprehension, it would beryllium an irreversible measurement into nan unknown. “Once you spell to court, there’s nary going back.” She could pain bridges pinch Joseph, she says, and Ada mightiness suffer her narration pinch him forever. “I want nan condemnation to attraction for her to travel from his heart, not because he was forced by personification to do it.”

She knows intimately what it feels for illustration for a girl to recognize her begetter supported her retired of responsibility alternatively than love. When she was successful superior school, earlier her stepfather entered nan picture, Chelsea’s begetter ne'er paid for her schooling, isolated from successful people 5 erstwhile he bought her uniform. That mini generosity was truthful different that she still remembers it. Then everything changed successful secondary school. “He started paying my schoolhouse fees and I sewage a aesculapian paper from him, truthful I felt like, possibly my dada is coming backmost into my life.” For years, he’d seemed almost for illustration a figment of her imagination, but now present he was, ensuring she was good cared for and getting a bully education; yet expressing his love.

As soon arsenic she graduated, though, his financial support stopped, and nan aesculapian paper soon expired. Years later, aft her mother died, Chelsea recovered a missive among her things. It was a summons for her begetter from nan Federation of Women Lawyers, an statement that offers free ineligible assistance to women. That was nan first clip she understood clearly, heartbreakingly, that her mother had sued her begetter for kid support. “It was not a bully point to find retired personification only supported you because they were forced by a tribunal to do so,” she says ruefully. “I don’t want nan aforesaid point to hap to Ada, truthful if nan begetter decides to support her, fine, and if he doesn’t, astatine slightest she knows he made that choice, alternatively than that he was being forced, which is worse.”

Jane Achieng, a Luo historiographer astatine nan University of Nairobi, says that earlier colonialism upended centuries-old traditions, Chelsea’s Luo organization would person helped her, apt moreover forced Joseph to return immoderate work for his child. “The societal protections were very beardown and location were nary outsiders arsenic location are today, group pinch nary community, conscionable floating.” The extended family clan was nan superior economical unit, and communities shared child-rearing resources, dissimilar today’s atomic families that conserve assets to salary schoolhouse fees, for example. And nan very conception of wealthiness was different.

Historically, Kenyan families measured their fortunes successful position of cattle, land, and children. “Children were nan astir important portion of nan wealth,” says Achieng. She argues that modern expressions of affluence—like costly cars that beryllium unused successful gated compounds—don’t nutrient nan aforesaid societal benefits. In Chelsea’s case, Joseph mightiness person taken much liking successful Ada if nan civilization still ascribed specified precocious worth to children.

While coming azygous motherhood is comparatively common—six of each 10 Kenyan women will person astatine slightest 1 section of azygous motherhood by forty-five—historically it was rare. That’s successful portion because coming women are much economically empowered and tin time off bad aliases abusive relationships. But it’s besides because of a accepted believe called tero aliases “wife inheritance,” successful which nan organization organized marriages for women who’d mislaid husbands. Asande Bonyo, nan ninety-one-year-old Luo women who described giving commencement astatine home, explains that erstwhile her first hubby died, she was still rather young and truthful she joined different man from nan aforesaid family, Nyangoro, and they had respective children. When Nyangoro later died successful a tractor accident, she joined a 3rd personnel of nan family, Oketch. “That was nan contented backmost then, but if you refused nan adjacent marriage, that was besides fine.”

The tero strategy was besides polygamous, and erstwhile she joined Oketch, he already had 2 wives, each of whom had their ain shamba, a crippled of farmland successful nan family settlement. Bonyo says she and her co-wives formed a tight familial unit. “We loved each other; my co-wives loved maine truthful overmuch that they would moreover swipe maine pinch water,” she says utilizing an look that connotes deep, unconditional love. Six decades later, she still lives connected that aforesaid crippled of land, adjacent to her co-wives.

Bonyo gave commencement to 8 children, six of whom survived to adulthood. After nan commencement of each child, her co-wives and others successful her organization brought nutrient and gifts. “Those were very bully days,” she smiles; “you would beryllium cooked for and would conscionable eat.” She recalls filling up connected food and arrowroot, a starchy rootlike thought to person medicinal properties, and not returning to her farmwork for complete a month. The accepted remainder play was forty days, astatine which constituent she celebrated pinch a ritual bath, akin to nan Japanese believe of “raising nan floor”—a benignant of taste convergence successful which groups connected different sides of nan globe landed connected almost identical postpartum traditions of remainder and organization support, to reside nan aforesaid biologic reality.

Much has changed since then, but polygamy still exists successful Kenya, says Gloria Kenyatta, lawman clerk of a region legislature successful nan Rift Valley. “Polygamy is very legal; it’s 1 of nan accepted marriages we person successful nan African setting, truthful it’s allowed, it’s there, it’s very live and it’s happening.” At independency successful 1963, galore Kenyans were still polygamous, and while nan alleged Marriage Bill successful nan precocious 1970s would person criminalized adultery, location was small parliamentary support for specified “un-African changes.” Today, polygamy is much communal successful agrarian areas, for illustration nan 1 wherever Kenyatta works, but location is an municipality variant: Mubaba is Swahili slang for a able older man who dates younger women, sometimes pinch his wife’s consent. Often location is simply a financial component, but, dissimilar successful accepted arrangements, location is nary societal responsibility to supply for nan women.

In Chelsea’s case, she says Joseph’s woman knew astir their relationship, but it wasn’t clear if she knew astir nan baby. There was 1 time, earlier Ada was born, that his woman called her. When Chelsea realized who it was, she hung up nan phone. She ne'er heard from her again.

That section seems acold distant now, from a clip erstwhile she took an liking successful thing extracurricular nan ray greenish walls of her level and nan mini abstraction wrong them that Ada occupies. It is conscionable Chelsea and Ada now and, of course, her friend Vee, who has been by her broadside since pregnancy. Another friend, Jen, visits often too. Chelsea helped Jen erstwhile her boy was calved 4 years ago, truthful Jen is happy to return nan kindness now. The 2 women dress up Chelsea’s ain mini organization of support.

Vee stands successful nan kitchenette cooking saccharine potatoes—the steaming cookware adding moisture to nan already humid air—as Chelsea looks connected appreciatively from crossed nan room. “She’s really helping maine retired pinch nan meals and nan laundry, and besides pinch nan baby; she’s been very supportive.”

Chelsea needs that thief arsenic she recovers, nan stitches healing, symptom slow receding. And arsenic it does, she is grateful her assemblage tin besides nourish Ada. “I person a batch of milk, which is simply a bully point because immoderate of my friends told maine their beverage took a time aliases truthful to come, truthful I consciousness for illustration that was a fortunate point connected my path.” After she nurses Ada, she takes nan mini babe successful her arms and expertly burps her. In immoderate ways, motherhood has travel naturally.

Then, astatine 2 weeks, Chelsea’s postpartum support ends erstwhile Vee and Jen return to nursing school. Chelsea was fortunate her babe came during their vacation break, but classes person started again, and nan level feels unusual and acold without them. In a bustling metropolis of 5 cardinal people, she is unsocial pinch her baby. Bonyo, nan Luo woman, reflects solemnly that while her ain postpartum days were filled pinch food and arrowroot, “things person really changed, these days you tin spell quiet and nary 1 cares.”

As Chelsea feeds Ada 1 rainy afternoon, she realizes she hasn’t eaten each time but there’s hardly immoderate nutrient successful nan level and she’s not judge really she’ll get more. Bringing Ada to nan shops makes it truthful overmuch harder to transportation groceries and she worries astir exposing specified a young babe to crowds. In nan days correct aft Vee and Jen return to school, location are a fewer times erstwhile she leaves Ada present dormant while she runs errands, but it fills her pinch dread. Most days she simply doesn’t task extracurricular nan location and only sees her aged friends erstwhile their posts popular up connected societal media. “Sometimes it tin beryllium difficult because possibly you spot them having nosy and you’re like, why are they not visiting anymore, but it’s okay,” she says, her sound breaking. There is simply a agelong pause. “They’re conscionable engaged pinch their lives and I don’t get to spot them arsenic overmuch because possibly I’d request to spell retired of nan house, but I’m mostly pinch nan baby.”

There is simply a peculiar condolences that tin travel caller motherhood, successful which women mourn each they’ve mislaid moreover arsenic they summation a child: autonomy, privacy, time, sexuality, master identity. Psychologist Paula Nicolson writes that women often won’t admit moreover to themselves they consciousness that nonaccomplishment because location is specified beardown societal unit to exude joy. And she argues that if women were alternatively encouraged to grieve their aged lives, “postpartum slump would beryllium seen…as a perchance patient process toward psychological reintegration and individual growth, alternatively than a pathological consequence to a ‘happy event.’”

For Chelsea, this lonely clip besides surfaces caller feelings of condolences astatine nan nonaccomplishment of her ain mother. And later that aforesaid week, she gets different reminder, erstwhile Ada is owed for her first checkup and information of vaccines. Public accommodation are known to supply nan champion postnatal care, which has been free since 2013, truthful astir everyone—from able citizens to refugees—uses nan nationalist system. Jen suggests nan big, nationalist infirmary downtown, but Chelsea recoils astatine nan thought of going there. It was wherever some her parents died and she knows she won’t beryllium capable to get past its acquainted actual exterior. Her cousin, who has recently reentered her life, offers different idea: Westlands Health Center, a small complete an hr distant by bus.

When Chelsea arrives astatine nan clinic, a mini installation wrong a actual obstruction and looped razor wire, she drops disconnected Ada’s vaccination booklet past sits connected a chair extracurricular adjacent to different mother. They some clasp their babies successful big, soft blankets and hold for instruction. Eventually, a caregiver wearing a hijab and scrubs ushers Chelsea into a sunlit room, wherever she lays Ada connected a agelong mattress, alongside different babe successful a collared shirt. Their 4 spindly legs footwear nan air. Ada blows bubbles arsenic Chelsea removes her onesie and past nan caregiver transfers her to a mini integrative standard nether a UNICEF poster: Breast beverage is best.

Four and a half kilograms, nan caregiver reports and makes a statement connected Ada’s chart.

Chelsea looks stricken.

Ada was 4 kilos past time, and Chelsea had expected her to beryllium up to 5 today. I don’t know, possibly I should breastfeed more, she thinks. Normally Ada conscionable wakes for a infinitesimal to provender past falls backmost asleep, but possibly she should promote her to enactment awake for longer and provender more. I consciousness for illustration she really should measurement more, she thinks. It is simply a caller concern, connected apical of others: Ada has been congested and Chelsea blames herself for not dressing her much warmly. She is besides concerned Ada’s navel is not treatment quickly enough, truthful she applies surgical tone and checks it often for immoderate motion of infection.

“Anxiety is for illustration a move that turns on,” Chelsea says. And she can’t move it off.

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From Four Mothers: An Intimate Journey Through nan First Year of Parenthood successful Four Countries by Abigail Leonard. Copyright © 2025. Available from Algonquin Books, an imprint of Hachette Book Group.