The Original Daughter

Arin was location successful Germany erstwhile my mother sewage sick again. She’d been sick before, but ne'er for illustration this, and I knew it was only a matter of clip earlier she would alteration her mind and commencement asking for Arin. The imaginable filled maine pinch dread. My sister and I hadn’t spoken for years, not since she first sewage famous, not moreover erstwhile my mother was diagnosed pinch fierce bosom crab a mates of years ago. Back then, too, I’d been acrophobic that if things sewage really bad, my mother would want Arin there. But we’d had her breasts lopped off, 1 aft nan other, and it appeared to person stopped nan cancer’s spread. The taxable of Arin ne'er came up.

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Our narration hadn’t been bully for a agelong time, and successful caller years my mother’s irreverence had dampened into a much respectable muteness. But aft she recovered, my mother instantly became irritating again. She’d mislaid truthful overmuch weight from nan chemotherapy, it didn’t look to matter that she had nary breasts. She sheared disconnected her fluffy achromatic hair, wore thing but singlets and shorts, and gleefully told everyone passing by nan photocopy shop that betwixt this and menopause, she was yet relieved of nan trappings of being a woman. The connection she used, 1 I caught her selecting cautiously from nan Oxford English Dictionary by our sole electrical night-light, was “liberation.”

Liberation? When had she ever not acted precisely arsenic she pleased? I felt that she was baiting me; I refused to respond. Then, a fewer days ago, I woke to find my mother still successful furniture beside me, 1 limb thrown complete her face.

“Ma,” I said. “It’s eight.”

She was usually retired of nan location by six, either astatine nan bedewed marketplace aliases doing exercises astatine Bedok Reservoir Park pinch her tai chi group earlier opening nan photocopy shop. To her, sleeping successful was thing only rich | group did, a motion of anemic character. 

My mother peeked astatine maine from nether her limb and didn’t opportunity a word. Rare for her to forgo a chance to tease. I put my look to her wrist, her neck, sniffing. When I clambered complete her assemblage and saw nan milky splatter of vomit connected nan floor, beside nan monolithic potted sansevieria my mother insisted connected keeping by our bedside arsenic an aerial filter, she hid her look again.

“Get dressed,” I said aft a agelong moment. “I’m calling Dana.”

Dana was her oncologist, 1 my mother had scammed into friendship. When they first met, she told Dana she’d been progressive pinch a religion deacon years agone who abandoned her erstwhile she became pregnant pinch me, and saccharine Dana, successful spite of everything 1 mightiness presume astir doctors and intelligence, genuinely believed God had called her to beryllium nan attending expert nan time I brought my mother in. All lies. My mother wasn’t religious, and my begetter was a taxi driver. But erstwhile I confronted her, she waved maine disconnected pinch a laughter and stayed successful touch pinch Dana, forwarding her prayers and Bible verses connected WhatsApp.

It worked. Dana loved my mother. She dropped by nan photocopy shop often to bring her food, aliases conscionable to chat, and moreover ordered maine to bypass nan hospital’s telephone halfway and ringing her straight if we needed anything. When nan vicinity aunties recovered out, they teased america relentlessly—of people Su nan would charm nan famously stuffy infirmary staff, of people she would beryllium nan personification to propulsion nan wool complete their eyes. Whoever heard of a expert giving retired her individual number, it was absurd, it wasn’t done. But successful each their ribbing location was a consciousness of glee, arsenic if we had won something. Not to me. I recovered my mother’s narration pinch Dana deceitful; I swore we would ne'er telephone connected this favor.

Yet present we were.

It turned retired to beryllium leptomeningeal disease. Neither my mother nor I had heard nan word before, but Dana was crying arsenic she delivered nan news. She knew we couldn’t spend surgery; we were still paying disconnected indebtedness from nan first one. Because of her preexisting wellness conditions, we didn’t suffice for nan experimental supplier trials. Because my mother belonged to nan procreation excessively poor, and truthful excessively proud, for insurance, location were nary concealed reserves of rate that could beryllium accessible to america via a sleight of manus successful nan aesculapian paperwork. It was a terminal diagnosis. Terminal: that I understood. I wanted to cognize really agelong she had.

“Anywhere from 3 to six months pinch treatment.”

“And without?”

“Four to six weeks.”

I was stunned. Beside me, my mother fto retired a small sigh. “No treatment. I don’t want to do that again.”

The test invigorated her. She stood and stretched, past hopped astir Dana’s office, peering astatine confidential folders, fingering nan stethoscope and greenish swimming goggles hanging by nan door; making Dana laugh, teasing her for crying. But her sound was excessively bright, her eyes tired. As soon arsenic we sewage home, she showered and changed into a caller group of clothes. We stared each different down successful our bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

“To work.”

“They tin negociate without you, you should rest.”

She didn’t moreover stop. “Rest isn’t going to cure me. You want maine to dishonesty astatine location for illustration a useless personification for nan adjacent six weeks?”

I could spot her rib cage done nan singlet limb holes. She’d gotten truthful skinny, I hadn’t moreover realized. She watched my look twist and said quickly: “If you want to help, Genevieve, telephone your sister.”

“She’s not my sister.”

“I want to spot you and Arin together 1 past time.” I kept quiet, and she pushed further. “I ne'er inquire you for anything.” It was different 1 of her untruths; she was afloat of requests, some vocal and implied. “Promise me.”

“No.”

“Then you mightiness arsenic good termination maine yourself.” She left.

Later that night, erstwhile she crawled into furniture beside me, I didn’t turn. I pretended I was asleep. But she pasted her skinny assemblage to my backmost and began speaking. She repeated that she had ne'er asked thing of me, not moreover erstwhile I near her backmost successful 2010 and moved to Christchurch, New Zealand, maintaining power soundlessness for six months, refusing to speak to her, refusing to explicate really she had offended maine to warrant that benignant of severance, breaking her heart, shaving years disconnected her life from worry, forcing her to pass only done Arin, and past erstwhile I yet returned, really I exiled Arin, refusing to crook successful nan past 4 years, contempt being brought up to understand that family was nan key, nan heart, nan cornerstone of life; that, too, collapsed her heart, really could I beryllium truthful callous, truthful cruel, possibly these rash decisions could beryllium made arsenic a child, but wasn’t I already twenty-seven, fundamentally thirty, wasn’t it clip to turn up, yes, possibly our puerility wasn’t ideal, but whose is; anyway, wasn’t it benignant of silly to clasp connected to aged grudges, and much importantly, she was dying, couldn’t I put speech my ain selfish desires for six short weeks, mightiness not moreover beryllium six, mightiness beryllium four, 4 weeks minus 1 time we had conscionable wasted connected yet different petty argument, travel on, really difficult could it be, didn’t I emotion her, didn’t I care?

By nan extremity of that tirade, nan sun was rising. I was crying too.

Wasn’t she nan 1 who insisted we would only clasp Arin back, wasn’t she nan 1 who said it was amended to fto her go? She was reverting to her aged habits of lying successful bid to get what she wanted, progressively convinced by nan passionate tenor of her ain sound till she genuinely believed nan stories she’d constructed. And me—kidnapped by her emotions, incapable to protest. A kid again.

Even successful nan acheronian she could consciousness maine nodding; her agitation subsided.

“You’ll telephone her?”

“Yes.”

But I wasn’t a bully girl and nary longer claimed to beryllium one. There was sizeable state to beryllium had successful knowing and accepting that I was a disappointment to my mother. The infinitesimal she fto maine spell I put her plea retired of my mind. I’d spent astir of my big life trying to divorcement myself from Arin and wasn’t astir to extremity now.

The adjacent day, arsenic if conjured by my mother’s desires, Arin appeared connected nan screen of Life! I ignored nan headlines and scrutinized nan picture. Once upon a clip we were truthful inseparable, group would often get america confused. If nan vicinity aunties had to differentiate us, they’d say, Su’s girls: nan large one, nan mini one, moreover though I was only a twelvemonth older than Arin. We looked truthful alike; group wouldn’t judge Arin was adopted. Now, no. The image showed Arin connected a reddish carpet somewhere, looking consecutive into nan camera. Her hairsbreadth was coiled and resting astatine nan apical of her caput for illustration a snake, her eyebrows arched and sly, her regard simultaneously placid and amused.

I recognized that expression, we’d practiced it together; I felt my ain lips curling successful consequence and made myself stop. I recognized, also, nan dress she was wearing, a backless silvery contraption from a mini Singaporean designer who had gone viral connected Instagram aft Arin was spotted utilizing 1 of her pencil cases arsenic a clutch. Everyone knew nan story—Arin had reached retired to nan designer, postvirality, offering her talent a platform, connecting her to couture seamstresses successful Jakarta, Indonesia. Like a modern fairy tale, nan designer went from hand-sewing mini leather equipment to creating modern gowns, pantsuits, hairpieces; now, whenever she announced a caller collection, women each complete nan state group alarms connected their phones earlier furniture contempt their lives occasioning nary gowns. But possibly that was nan existent marker of her success: 1 doesn’t bargain an finance portion without besides buying into a grander formation of fancy. Dreams really do travel true, the designer had been profiled saying, all you request is that 1 personification who believes successful you . . .

Arin seldom gave interviews and didn’t participate successful nan media circus astir nan designer, happy simply to stay nan catalyst for her success, but I noticed that from past connected she only wore pieces from independent Asian designers. When she turned down an connection to beryllium dressed by Valentino, a mini activity of deliberation pieces germinated online, opining really this signaled a turning of nan tides, really these young, beautiful actresses from each corners of Southeast Asia nary longer felt nan request to travel nan accepted Hollywood playbook—they had their ain ways of doing things, really exciting, really new. The articles flooded nan net for a period earlier nationalist liking moved on, but nan glow of admiration endured.

The communicative was almost flawless. I was impressed. Arin had ne'er been creative; personification successful her squad must person orchestrated. But successful her cool, amused gaze, I could consciousness nan undercurrent of delight, smirking astatine nan layers of capacity she’d successfully pulled off. I folded nan newspapers away.

Another time passed, past another. My mother pressed maine astir Arin, and I told her I’d been trying, pinch nary luck. Arin was excessively celebrated now, it was intolerable to scope her; if she didn’t judge maine she was free to effort contacting her herself. My mother sewage distracted, she returned to work, she asked astir Arin again. Each clip she asked it was easier to fob her disconnected pinch an excuse. Because I’d already fixed my promise, she held connected to nan childlike spot that it would each activity out, that I’d find a measurement to make it happen. I don’t cognize wherever her religion successful maine came from. It made maine sick pinch guilt. My mother’s headaches returned, worse than before. She became moreover much unmoored, missing days astatine nan photocopy shop and weeping erstwhile she realized. At her behest, I went down complete nan play and said to nan woman boss.

It was located successful a drawstring of shops crammed successful nan void platform nether a artifact of HDB flats 5 minutes from home, sandwiched betwixt a worth dollar shop perpetually advertizing a closing sale, and a barber offering ten-dollar haircuts. The void platform aunties each recognized me. As I approached, nan photocopy auntie nodded and called retired successful Mandarin: “Su’s girl. So large now.”

I grimaced. “Ma asked maine to apologize successful person. She’s not well—”

“Yes, that’s obvious.” The photocopy shop was afloat of nan babe sansevieria plants my mother propagated and dispensed passim nan neighborhood, and nan photocopy auntie touched a stubby, swordlike leafage arsenic she spoke. “Tell her to return arsenic overmuch clip arsenic she needs.”

“Ah—Auntie, tin I inquire for a favor? Can you fto my mother travel successful arsenic and erstwhile she’s able? I’ll return you nan money, you wouldn’t person to salary her.”

I’d been moving up to that connection each week. I wasn’t judge really overmuch precisely my mother was paid astatine nan shop aliases whether I could really spend to springiness nan money back. I’d only conscionable started a occupation marking compositions for a backstage tuition center, it was nan benignant of occupation that paid by nan hour, a student job. The photocopy auntie waved maine off. “It’s been going connected for a while, don’t interest astir it.”

“A while?”

She looked amazed that I didn’t know. “She misses days present and there, it’s fine.”

We weren’t speaking loudly, but nan full cluster of void platform aunties were listening in. The worth dollar auntie rang up a customer, who lingered until it became evident nan speech wouldn’t proceed while she was there, past said: “Your sister hasn’t been successful touch?”

“No, she’s connected tour.”

Disapproval rippled crossed their faces. None of nan void platform aunties had seen her movies, which were excessively Western and modern, not their benignant of thing. As a result, they were caught successful betwixt nan glamour of stardom, which they did not understand and truthful were successful reluctant awe of, and tradition, which they did.

In nan end, contented won out. “You should show her to travel home,” nan photocopy auntie said. “It’s not bully for Arin to hide her family erstwhile she gets a spot of success. She’ll regret it later.”

The remainder of nan aunties began murmuring successful agreement. I left.

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Excerpted from The Original Daughter by Jemimah Wei. Reprinted by support of Doubleday, an imprint of nan Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, a section of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © 2025 by Jemimah Wei.   

Audio excerpted pinch support of Penguin Random House Audio from THE ORIGINAL DAUGHTER by Jemimah Wei, publication by Eunice Wong. © Jemimah Wei ℗ 2025 Penguin Random House, LLC.